I don't know if I have a slightly different attitude and perspective because I was not only a military wife but also a military brat, so it's been ingrained in me from birth and it just second nature(or it just may be *who*I am), but all those damn 'letters from a military wife' blogs kinda bug me. They come off as 'I'm just like you, so treat me that way-even though my husband IS deployed, missing things in our kids lives and protecting YOUR freedom', which then garners them the accolades I think they're seeking.
I don't find being a military wife or brat anything exceptional or extraordinary. Did it help shape the person I am? Absolutely. Just as having a Filipino mom shaped who I am. Just as how being a runner has shaped who I am. Just as how being an only child shaped who I am. All the sum things in my life shape who I am. I don't think I'm better or deserve thanks because I happened to be born to people who were in the military or married some cute guy that made me swoon and who just happened to be in the military.
I am so very thankful that my parents gave me a realistic perspective on military life-hell life in general. Sometimes it sucks, but you just keep living it. In my senior ad, my daddy did up a nice calligraphy note and part of it said 'hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes'. That's a philosophy I try to apply to my life as a whole. That, and life is what you make it.
The military life is a life I chose(maybe not as a kid, but I'll get to military brats later), but I was not forced into an arranged marriage, nor was the man conscripted into his military service. If I didn't want to deal with deployments, giving birth alone, being the soccer coach and cub scout den leader by default, etc. then I could have chosen not to marry him, OR he could have gotten out. However, the man loved his job AND it was a steady secure income that provided us with housing and medical. And yes, I'm sure there will be many who will complain about the quality of housing and medical care-but seriously, I don't know anywhere else that you live that will come change your lightbulb if you choose to play the helpless military wife with a deployed husband card; and while military medical may not be the best thing out there, I'd certainly cast my vote for it being the most affordable for what you get(over the past 36 yrs it has covered all my-and that of my family routine care, ER visits, meds, surgeries, child birth, etc etc ect all at a VERY affordable rate...damn near FREE...there were very few things we paid for while on active duty and even now, the retiree costs are damn near free compared to what most people pay for insurance).
Being, and having, a military brat I'm of the firm belief that kids(in general for that matter) are a direct reflection of their parents most of the time. Here's how it plays into military brats. If mom is miserable and bitches and moans every time dad is gone and displays a general disdain-or flat out hatred, for the military, kids pick up on that. They are miserable cause dad is gone, they blame the military for him missing whatever they deemed important. I was brought up as this is life, it's what we do(meaning as mentioned above...hope for the best, expect the worst and take what comes). I know as an adult that I can rationalize a whole lot better than a 6 year old for when I don't like something. However, it's my job as a parent to make things like that easy for him as possible. Does a 7 year old think it sucks donkey balls that his dad is gonna be gone for Christmas?? Absolutely. Here's where it's like 'Choose Your Own Adventure' novel. I can either feed into it and lament about it too, or I can find a way to put it into terms that he can understand better...'yep, it DOES suck that daddy is gone for Christmas, but we were very lucky and our daddy got to be home for SIX Christmases in a row, while other daddies were gone, but now, it's our daddy's turn to be gone on Christmas so that Katie's daddy can be home with her this year and isn't that nice for Katie?'. Yep, he was good with it after that.
I can choose to bitch, moan, rant and lament about the bad things that go with military life-let's face it, there ARE bad things in military life...but wait, there are bad things in life in general. My attitude and I how I choose to deal with them makes all the difference in the world though. Rather than focus on him being gone and the things he was missing...I filled it with things he didn't love to do. Example-going to the movies isn't his favorite thing, so the manchild and I filled our weekends with movies(usually on base-they knew us well lol). We chose to focus on the good(we can see all the movies we want AT the theatre while dad is gone). I spent a lot of time running races at my picking and choosing-no need to check schedules and see if he or we as a family had plans. Not to say I only did those things while he was gone cause I did do them when he was home at times, but jut had a little more latitude to do them as we pleased.
Oh and as a side note...those of you who thank me for my husband's service in one breath, and then in the next say 'nope, don't want *my* son joining the military', yep, I got your number.
No comments:
Post a Comment