More Navy Wife Life

Life of a Navy Wife, part 2

I guess we can call these the middle years. We progressed past our first few years of marriage and all the usual adjustments that go with getting married and having a baby.

After 5 years in FL and 2 commands(finish up sea duty at VS-24 at NAS Cecil Field, and then shore duty at AIMD Mayport) we moved. The man opted to go aircrew and his verbal orders were for VQ-2 in Rota Spain. Hot damn! I get to go to Europe!! Well, in typical Navy fashion, when his hard copy of orders came down, it was for VQ-1 at NAS Whidbey Island. So we trekked cross country after he finished up aircrew school in Pensacola. As previously mentioned, being around Naval Aviation my whole life, I know all too well what can happen and was not thrilled at the prospect of him being an aircrewman-but I was a good supportive Navy wife and 'let' him do it. And by 'let' him do it, I mean I supported and cheered him on. He loved flying.

I admit, it was a bit of a shock when we moved to Whidbey. The last time I had lived in remotely cold weather, I was 11. I had NO winter clothes...lol. Thankfully, our winters are pretty mild here and after 11 years, I'm pretty well acclimated-just in time to move again haha. We got settled in here, reconnected with friends...I always say the VQ community is incestuous. Once you're in it, you're in it for life(I was a VQ brat, and Bill has been in 3 VQ squadrons over the course of his career and many of our friends have done the same).

In Aug 2001, Bill was called off leave and sent on det a few days later....nothing unheard of in the VQ community. For those who don't know, VQ doesn't deploy like other squadrons. We don't do 6 month cruises or deployments and then have an 18 month home cycle(where there are a few work ups here and there). VQ is forward deployed 365 days a year to multiple det sites world wide. We send an aircrew and maintainers for the that aircraft. The crews are constantly coming and going, overlapping. Having done 6 month cruises and a life time of VQ dets, I can say that as with anything, they both have their advantages and disadvantages. The squadron has the ability to work around things like babies being born and keeping the sailors home for things like medical issues, it's a blessing. In some ways, it also lends a disconnect to what is now known as an FRG(Family Readiness Group...the PC version of the wives clubs of old). I found that those groups are always at their most active during a deployment-the sailors are gone, we do things to keep busy, stay in the loop with what's going on with the squadron on deployment, etc. The problem with them in the VQ world is that as much as I may love Becky or Angie...odds are their husbands are home while mine is gone and vice versa. So if Bill is home, my priority is spending time with him before he leaves again. And leave again, and quickly, they do. The aircrew has a shorter, but more frequent det rotation than the ground pounders. The frequency of deployments would increase-and thus the time home would decrease after 9/11.

Bill was sent out 2 weeks to the day before 9/11 as a groundpounder, just to fill in for 2 months. Then 9/11 happened. We didn't know what would happen and had no idea when to expect him to return. 4.5 months later he finally came home. And was home for 3 weeks before heading back out as a flyer...and this was the pattern for the next several years till he went to shore duty. Because the guys were gone so much, it actually did create an informal wives club. We supported each other, we celebrated holidays together, we looked after each other's kids, etc. I was the designated 'husband' for all the 'manly' tasks....I started the lawn mowers, I built the entertainment centers, etc...thanks mom and daddy for making me do all that shit growing up...lol.

In so many ways, my upbringing did an excellent job of preparing me for life as a Navy wife. Not only did I know exactly what I was getting into, I was raised with what I think is a positive way to deal with it. I grew up in the days of 'if the Navy wanted you to have a family, they'd have issued you one in your seabag'. It's not a popular sentiment, but I think in some ways it was a good one. I was raised that my mom had a job to do...make planes fly and it was our job as the family at home to make it possible for her to do that. My daddy cooked and cleaned and managed to take care of kids at home just fine. The Navy(and all the branches of the military) is doing it's best to be family friendly-and in many ways, that's a great thing. I think in some ways though it's becoming too PC and causing a weaker breed of sailors and families. I am an extremely capable person and I know that when Bill went on det, he knew that. He didn't have anything to worry about at home. He could focus his entire attention on his job, which for him to do his best and be safe is what he needed to be able to do, in my opinion. I don't want someone who is worried about their incompetent wife back home fixing the plane my husband is flying on. Yes, I said incompetent because that is exactly what some of these wives are. I've encountered women who did know what a POA was, how to get an ID card or even change a light bulb in the oven. Their husbands worry with good reason. Enough of that rant...yep, go ahead and deem me a cold, unfeeling woman...I'm good with it.

As I said though, we had our own informal support group-which was part of what allowed the guys to work and fly without worry. They knew we could do it at home, and if someone didn't have a certain skill...we'd find someone who did(hence why I was responsible for the many duties). We picked up each other's kids, we shared cooking duties, etc. We also partied-it helped pass the time and take our mind off where our husband's were and what they were doing. Again, we looked out for each other and knew that we were safe-no one was putting things in our drinks, or following us to the parking lot because we were out without a man to protect us...we took care of each other. When the guys are gone 10 months a year, every year for 3-4 years...it leaves a lot of idle time at home, so we partied hard at times...lol.

The late 90s and early 2000's also was a new experience in another way. Email. No more trekking to the mail box day after day, waiting, hoping for a letter. We had almost instant access. When Bill got hurt out on det one time, I heard from him via email 8 full hours before the CMC called to let me know. Technology is a blessing in many ways, but it's also a curse. It has aided in creating needy, dependent spouses. I have seen younger spouses who have only known military life with email. They think it's their right. I've seen wives get mad because 'I haven't gotten an email in 3 whole days, I'd like to know what the hell he's doing out there'. Um, honey, he's WORKING. Once again, mean cold bitch here lol. I remember hearing my grandmother, who was a career Army wife, say that during one of my granddaddy's tours in Vietnam, she got ONE phone call. I always considered hearing from Bill as a bonus to my day. I used to term it, 'I got love today'.

One thing the high deployment schedule did lend though was numerous homecomings. There is nothing like a homecoming. I don't care if he was gone for 6 weeks or 6 months, that first glimpse of your sailor makes your heart flutter.

Finally sea duty came to an end and had 3 blissful years of shore duty. I like shore duty. Shore duty is good. Especially when the man likes what he does...he loved being an instructor. Thankfully, many of our friends carried over(back to that incestuous thing...they all just kind of swap out jobs) and life continued on.